I’m seeing so many of my “extroverted” friends be very uncomfortable right now.
I hear you. I do. I was this way (unable to sit still; to be present in my own body and mind) until spine surgery last year quite literally forced me to…be with myself.
And you know what I realized? All of the “Go Go Go” energy was really just a manifestation of trauma.
It still is.
For me, when I was forced to sit with the decades of sadness, pain, and rage of missing out on so much because of a spine disease; when I was forced to sit with the trauma from sexual abuse as a teenager and the subsequent patterns I formed because of that, I found out I was way more introverted than I realized (though, I kind of hate those labels). I also realized that my anxiety disorder, which became pretty severe upon re-entering the world after three major surgeries in a year, was just that… a manifestation of my trauma(s).
And it still is. I still get caught up in that energy. I have a hard time just… being, sometimes. I’m not a very ‘still’ person. Trauma doesn’t just “go away” like we think it will once we’ve figured out the “What, Where, When, Why, and How” of it. All we can do is acknowledge it, learn from it, process it, and keep going. It’s going to keep coming up, but it’ll wash over you in smaller and smaller waves because you’ll be able to see it coming and know that you’re going to still be standing when it has passed.
We are all forced in this moment to be still. To look inward. To reflect. There are a myriad of distractions and ways to connect virtually; ways to educate ourselves with free online programs, but when the novelty of these things wears off (and it will) and the prolonging of social distancing remains, what’s left?
Ask yourself — What are you running from within yourself? What happened when you were small that you just can’t seem to face? What walls have you built up around yourself because of it? Trace the lineage of your trauma and yours reactions to everything in life after that.
Take a step back and listen to your body.
We all have trauma, big or small, and there’s a Little You inside of the Big You that still hurts from it. I don’t care how corny this sounds, but that Little You needs to be acknowledged.
When you silence yourself and you sit with it, I can’t lie — it’s fucking painful. But it’s important. When you face the sadness, the fear, the rage, the trauma… it can’t scare you anymore. And it’s okay if you don’t see it or recognize it right away. There’s no one right way to do this, but we are all being given this moment to reset. Take it. Be better for YOU and then bring that energy back out in to the world. Please. We’re going to need all the goodness and pure love from people that we can get — and that includes you.