The Suicidal Mind
Contemplation in Minor Key
I’ve been contemplating my suicidal nature lately. I’m reading “How To Not Kill Yourself” by Clancy Martin, which has me thinking a bit more. The greatest indicator of a suicide attempt is a previous attempt, which I have under my belt.
Around 2016–2017, I was suffering immensely, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. The man I thought I was going to marry left me for another woman, my spine disease was raging, and my experiences of being groomed and sexually abused and assaulted as a teenager were at the forefront of my mind.
I had already given all my pain meds and muscle relaxers to my roommate at the time (I didn’t trust myself), so all I had left was a bottle of Prozac to counteract my major depressive state, which I took. Little did I know at the moment, but you can’t OD on Prozac. You just get very sick and sleepy.
A year and a change later, I was preparing to end my life by getting my affairs in order. I had tried any number of antidepressants, which all failed to alleviate the mental anguish I was suffering from.
Even in my deepest despair, there is always a sliver of light, and with that light, I asked to try Adderall to help with my ADHD. It was a night and day difference with my depression, and I take it, yes, to help manage my ADHD, but…
